The Most Joyful Decade

It’s been a joy… #benajoy 🙃

We have been together for almost a decade, so we want to share some of our beautiful journey together.

The SnowBall Setup into College Sweethearts

Our love story begins with a setup by college friends at The SnowBall in the winter of 2015 at Haverford College. Alexandra was visiting Music House with her friends for a concert one cold winter night at the Haverford College apartments when her friend, Frankie, was telling another college friend, Holden, to set her up with someone. Alexandra pleaded with Holden not to set her up with anyone, as she had made a pact with herself to remain single for a while. Holden left Music House, only to run into Ben riding on his longboard and immediately thought to set Alexandra up with Ben. The next weekend, Holden texted Alexandra to meet up with him at SnowBall to meet Ben. She did (with her two inebriated First Years who she was looking after) only to be dragged immediately onto the dance floor, where Ben was standing waiting to meet with her. Alexandra and Ben shook hands to meet and did not stop holding hands as they asked each other about their families and about each other. Alexandra and Ben now compare this moment to when Trinity and Neo met in The Matrix 3: everything else disappeared and there was a deep inner knowing that this was their person.

Alexandra, being the eldest daughter and avoidant attachment type she was, took her First Years back to Bryn Mawr College to make sure they got home okay to their dorms and then spent the rest of the evening hanging out on her friend’s dorm room floor, instead of going back to hang out with Ben at Lunt as he had asked. Alexandra still remembers staring at her friend’s poster on her dorm room wall, feeling nervous that her life was about to change in ways she could never imagine.

Alexandra and Ben hung out a few times, escaping parties, and classmates to go talk outside in the Haverford Arboretum. Then after finals week, a few weeks after meeting, it was winter break for five long weeks. Alexandra went to Florida to be with her family, where her family had vacationed on the Treasure Coast since she was little. Ben went back to be with his family and childhood friends in New York. Alexandra consulted her dad on every beach walk as to how to reply to Ben’s texts. Exchanging New Years texts, they couldn’t wait to be back on campus again. Alexandra frantically applied to grad school programs and Ben got her a huge eraser that said “The Biggest Mistake” about Allee’s plans to go to LA after graduation.

The BiCo Couple

Alexandra and Ben excitedly went back for their spring semesters and Alexandra coordinated Ben driving her college friend, Piper, down from Larchmont back to the BiCo as well. Alexandra and Ben continued their relationship at the BiCo, enmeshing their delightful and very BiCo friend group quickly. The college campuses became the first home of their relationship, from nature trail runs to library marathons to late nights at Lloyd. Ben would show up with flowers at Rhoads (Allee’s dorm) on his longboard (of course) and they would work with Allee’s friends in the common areas past midnight. They would also go back to Alexandra’s parents’ house in wooded Bryn Mawr to escape the eyes on campus. Ben would make coconut milk-based butternut squash soup in the Vitamix on their first date, and they would spend many cold winter nights in front of the roaring fireplace. Their relationship deepened over countless late-night study sessions, fueled by massive mason jars of black tea and raw honey. Ben asked Alexandra on their first date (out in the world and not at-home or on campus) to an Italian restaurant (their favorite) in Wayne, PA. Ben was forbidden to come to Alexandra’s senior theater performance, but he showed up afterwards in the lobby with flowers. Alexandra went to Iceland for theater over spring break, texting Ben on any chance she got.

Alexandra and Ben then continued their relationship over the summer. Ben was back in New York at Einstein College of Medicine for his Student Undergraduate Research Program and Alexandra was in Avalon teaching yoga and seeing clients for hypnotherapy at Sunstone Wellness and teaching yoga on the beach for Avalon Surf Camp, and continued to expand her business then called A Joy of HypnoYoga. They would meetup midsummer at the New York Athletic Club to see one another and spend hot summer days in Central Park, in Larchmont, or in Avalon.

The Quaker Consortium

Alexandra got an extension of her undergraduate social experience as Ben finished his senior year at Haverford College. Alexandra would visit Ben at his job at the Haverford College Bookstore and hangout at Ben’s dorm, Lloyd, with his roommates. Alexandra started her journey at the University of Pennsylvania, where she received her Master’s of Clinical Social Work degree to become a psychotherapist at Penn’s School of Social Policy and Practice, after studying Nonprofit Administration at Penn’s Fels School of Government, and prior to obtaining the SP2 - Wharton Professional Certificate in Organizational Leadership in Social Work. Alexandra would hangout and do schoolwork in Ben’s senior year lab or while Ben worked on tutoring and essay sessions with local students and their younger siblings applying to college. Alexandra had the idea to take advantage of the Quaker Consortium and helped Ben enroll in a graduate level class at Penn so they could be in a class together. The class, Social Enterprise Models & Social Impact Locally & Globally with Professors Nicholas Torres, M.Ed. (also a homeschooling dad) & Tine Hansen-Turton, MGA, JD, FCPP, FAAN, where they designed their first business plan together and pitched it to visiting fellows from Switzerland and planted the seed for each of them to officially launch their own individual service-based impactful small businesses. Continuing to motivate each other, Ben and Alexandra trained for the Philadelphia Half-Marathon.

During breaks and the summer months, Ben would visit Alexandra and her family in Florida and Alexandra would visit Ben and his family in Larchmont, New York where Ben and his mom would take her sailing on the Sound and Ben would show her his town on bike. During the summer months, Ben would come down to Avalon to visit Allee where he would come to her yoga classes at Sunstone Wellness and they would spend the days on the beach or bay and bike ride over to Sea Isle and to Stone Harbor from the lagoons of Avalon.

The Post-bac & Grad School

After Ben graduated from undergrad, he turned down a better-paying job down in Manhattan at Weil Cornell to take a job at an Immunology and Genetics Lab at Penn, in order to be at the same university as Alexandra. Alexandra and Ben lived in Alexandra’s MomMom Anita Seits’ in-law suite at Alexandra’s parents’ home in Bryn Mawr. Ben commuted to Penn everyday by five modes of transportation: car, the Norristown High Speed Line, the Market Frankfort Line, longboard, and then on foot for his 9-5 job and 6-10pm labs for his post-baccalaureate pre-med program at Penn. Ben would re-route the 5-legged commute home to volunteer at Bryn Mawr Hospital and shadow at Lankenau Hospital when he did not have post-bac classes or labs and on the weekends. Alexandra usually drove in for her classes a few days a week instead 🙃 and to her part-time job at Penn’s Office of Disability Services and to her graduate school clinical placement roles: medical social worker at Davita Dialysis, therapist at Resources for Human Development: Lower Merion Counseling Services, and clinical social worker at Brith Shalom House. When schedules aligned, Alexandra would give Ben a ride, dropping him off at a red light on Route 3 by the 63rd St MFL station in West Philadelphia (there were many tire replacements that occurred in this chapter). They relished exploring the new environment together, including coffee and lunch dates all over campus, crashing department happy hours and holiday parties, and wandering the nooks and crannies of Penn’s campus and University City.

The Kaleido

Alexandra decided that despite their schedules, commutes, and family chaos after some painful losses and health issues, what they really needed was a puppy to bring them back to the present and heal. After long weekends taking a side job housesitting a Gladwyne home, looking after their teenager, and taking care of (snuggling and spoiling) the family’s King Charles Cavalier Spaniel, researching, and visiting – Alexandra was chosen by Kaleido. Kaleido quickly then re-chose his main person to be Ben. Alexandra and Ben’s lives have evolved, revolved, and reoriented their lives around Kaleido. Presumably, this is why they always have lived in the woods or at the beach, because those are Kaleido’s favorite places that he requests to visit every day.

The Winding, but Full-Circle Career Paths

Alexandra continued to work on productions and auditioned for and appeared as an actor on television and commercial jobs. Alexandra contemplated with her therapist how to integrate her training in theater with her role as a therapist. After her psychotherapist helped her get an interview, Alexandra eventually landed the job as the therapist consultant on Netflix’s Queer Eye, which was filming in Philadelphia. Alexandra’s role included scouting locations as metaphors and getting local Philadelphians (mainly her friends and family) to be extras – Ben and his friends appeared in the show. Ben helped Alexandra (a lot) with her weekly pre-production research and 10+ page write-ups editing late into the night before Alexandra would go off for 16-hour days of filming.

In 2019, Ben was promoted to be the lab manager of a second lab in the Cancer Genetics Department. After a juggling increased workloads amidst family tragedy, Ben decided to leave Penn and take other courses and continue working on his side business (then BooC Tutors) with Alexandra’s dad’s line of work in admissions and college consulting. However, Alexandra wouldn’t be alone at Penn for long…

The Seven Mile Deserted Island

In 2020, when Alexandra graduated from Penn, Ben and Alexandra moved to Avalon, NJ to wait out the pandemic, even though Alexandra had hoped to move to New York City.

Alexandra continued to curate her role as a psychotherapist production consultant and convinced the producers to let her work remotely so she did not need to relocate to Austin, Texas for filming. Alexandra then was asked by one of the producers to work on another show, Netflix’s Sparking Joy with Marie Kondo. Alexandra continued to rely on Ben’s editing skills so much so that he deserves a television credit for over twenty+ episodes.

Alexandra and Ben also worked as camp counselors and camp site directors for Alexandra’s parents’ camps which have run from Ocean City to Cape May for 37 years. Alexandra’s dad even let them run the Stone Harbor sites alone for a few summers. Ben ran the fencing lessons for the campers and Alexandra integrated yoga warm-ups and team culture values wherever she could with the children and teens.

After navigating a lot of unexpected loss as a couple and tumultuous times in their families of origin, they decided that they wanted careers that would be more insulated from disruption that wreaked havoc on their family systems and nervous systems. Alexandra and Ben also liked the idea of having more agency in their paths and ability to own the value of their labor, in addition to controlling more of their finances through owning their own small businesses. With emotional and coaching pep talks from Alexandra’s dad that being your own boss is the way, they decided to take the leap of faith and give their small businesses they had been working on for almost a decade on the side, a full-time shot. Alexandra and Ben expanded on their own small businesses, Booc Co. LLC & Alljoys LLC, to hedge against job market conditions during this time. The nearly deserted island proved to be the perfect incubator for their fledgling businesses. Leaning on each other’s strengths, they built out the core of their businesses. Alexandra carefully crafted their websites, while Ben handled the legal and tax filings. They teamed up on advertising, driving flyers around to post on the walls of local coffee shops in the small beach towns and Mainline. They poured their energy into their word-of-mouth small businesses with small town local families, helping the families get their teens into great colleges or helping family members gently heal from mental distress. Alexandra would help a client with sports performance anxiety using hypnotherapy while Ben supported their college process. Kaleido did his part too, pulling them into miles-long winter beach walks to break up the work, as Alexandra and Ben can hyper focus and forget to attend to their human needs before their businesses at times. The extended moment of reflection helped them discover more of what they truly wanted in life - time with each other!

The Penn Proposal

In 2022, Ben proposed to Alexandra at her Penn graduation (long anticipated and delayed due the pandemic) in front of Claudia Cohen Hall, where they took their first class and developed and presented their first business plan together. Afterwards, Alexandra, her parents, and Ben went to Alexandra’s graduation reception and then drove back down to Avalon to walk their favorite beach path with Kaleido to celebrate their engagement.

The Treasure Coast Adventure

In 2021-2022, Alexandra and Ben went to visit Alexandra’s parents and brothers on the Treasure Coast of Florida. It was really hard doing holidays alone, far from her family members who were on the Treasure Coast for 6 months of the year. After long beach walk talks, Alexandra and Ben decided to make it a goal to move to Florida.

Alexandra was incredibly torn and sad to give up her hopes to live in New York, but knew that the less competitive nature of Florida, the healthy lifestyle of Florida beach life, and being near her parents would be what they needed professionally, physically, and personally.

In July of 2022, Alexandra’s mom was looking for furniture to fill her son’s Boca Raton apartment with and heard from their family friend, Allison, that she was selling her mom’s home. Alexandra’s mom flew down and bought Allison’s mom’s home in Jupiter for the Seits children and their partners so they can focus on saving. Admittedly, Alexandra and Ben stayed with her parents an hour north probably longer than her parents hoped. Alexandra made the excuses around her shortened commute to the psychotherapy practice office and built-in chats to pass the time while Ben worked until 10pm and on weekends, but really it’s that the neighbors of Ocean House spoiled them to no end and were too hard to leave. However, as Alexandra and Ben have finally settled into Jupiter, they now get to be neighbors with Allison and her family where they are grateful recipients of Allison’s backyard food forest, Captain Charlie’s fresh caught fish, and the families holiday traditions - Allee and Ben even hosted their first Christmas Eve with stone crab supplied by Allison. Alexandra and Ben have landed in a spot where their neighbors are the delightful and funny combination of lovely retirees who play golf, pickleball, or tennis everyday, aspiring professional golfers or minor league baseball players, retired professional athletes, or children of retired professional athletes.
It has been the best (and most paradoxical) decision they have ever made together. They are living the most fun and active Florida lifestyle – they have taken home second place in The Treasure Coast Pickleball League and Ben has won the Men’s Championship at Ocean Club Pickleball. They go to the beach, play golf, play tennis or pickleball, and walk their dog along the mangroves. Their businesses: Ben’s Booc Co. LLC, DBA Best Test Choice Test Prep & Alexandra’s Alljoys LLC, DBA Inlet Behavioral Wellness are thriving with the families in South Florida and on the Treasure Coast. Best of all, as Alexandra’s dad always says, they are making a positive impact on the world with the work they do.

Joyfully Ever After…

Now, Alexandra and Ben live and breathe the “Jup life” lifestyle when they aren’t working – beaching on the ocean or river with their dog, paddle boarding with friends, dining out at all the farm-to-table and fresh-catch fish spots, and exploring all the local Treasure Coast and Palm Beach County towns’ farmer’s markets. They are so thankful for the clients and local families they get to serve. They are so thankful for the neighbors and family friends who offer their backyard gardens, beachside or poolside dinner parties, and an ear after a tough day. They are so thankful for their families who have given them everything so they could meet in undergrad and continue on. Most of all, they are more in love every day and are so grateful to have found one another.